75 Funny Mom Quotes to Get You Through the Day

Motherhood can be tough without a good sense of humor. Laughing is one of the best things we can do to cope with common problems. Check out these funny mom quotes that will make you laugh out loud, even through the hard stuff.

Funny Mom Quotes For New Moms

  • “I used to have a functioning daily routine, but then I traded them in for children.”
  • “You know you’re a new mom when you find out what a diaper blow-out is.”
  • “I don’t want to sleep like a baby, I want to sleep like my spouse.”
  • “Spit-up is my new accessory. It goes with any outfit.”
  • “Silence is wonderful until you have kids, then all of a sudden it’s suspicious.”
  • “Finding out that the best part of post-birth care is the squirt bottle and hemorrhoid pads.”
  • “That short-lived moment where you’re happy to see the bottom of your laundry basket before dumping another load in there.”
  • “Being a mom means ordering pizza after going to the grocery store because you’re tired as heck.”

  • “You know you’re a mom when you’re relieved that your child finally pooped.”
  • “I finally got a full 8 hours of sleep, it only took me four days.”
  • You know you’re a mom when you understand why mama bear’s porridge was cold.”
  • “Waking up every few hours for feeding has really brought out the best in my eye circles. Now I don’t have to use as much makeup for the smokey eye look.”
  • “You know you’re a breastfeeding mom when your outfit choices are based on how easy you can whip your boob out.” (check out our favorite easy boob access shirts here!)
  • “There’s a lot more yelling from the bathroom than I would have imagined.”

Funny Mom Quotes For Moms of Toddlers

  • “The best way to get your children’s attention is to relax and look comfortable.”
  • “Sorry I’m late, I was busy arguing with my toddler about a sock.”
  • “I’m hiding in my bathroom with the door locked so I can eat chocolate in peace, how’s your day going?”
  • “When a booty call means your child shouting from the bathroom that their butt needs to be wiped.”
  • “When I tell my children ‘in a minute’ I actually mean “please forget.’”
  • “Cleaning up after toddlers is like trying to shovel snow in the middle of a blizzard.”
  • “At least with toddlers, I’ll have someone around the house that’ll be honest about how big my butt looks in my new pants.”
  • “I thought I’d be a patient mom, then I tried to watch my toddler zip their own jacket.”
  • “A toddler is like having a blender without a lid.”
  • “Sharing a bed with your toddler is sleeping with an octopus looking for its car keys.”

  • “I wake up and make a list of things to do for the day, then I laugh and save the list for another day.”
  • “You know you’ve grown as a parent when you see your toddler licks something and think, ‘Well, they’ve licked worse.’”
  • “Kids humble us. The other day on a flight home Olympia insisted on running up and down the aisle and when I finally got her to sit still, she threw up all over me.” – Serena Williams

Funny Mom Quotes For Moms With An Infant

  • “A sleeping baby is the new happy hour for moms.”
  • “Being a mom means developing the ability to hear a quiet cough through closed doors, a mile away, and even across the street.”
  • “That moment when you realize you’re using baby wipes as a dusting rag, countertop cleanser, and a toilet scrubber.”
  • “Dealing with muffin tops while babywearing is a whole nother level.”
  • “Finding bottle parts and pacifiers have become the new game of find-the-missing-sock.”
  • “When you’re willing to sacrifice the blood flow to your arm rather than move the sleeping baby.”
  • “You know you’re a mom when going to the store alone is exciting.”
  • “No matter what you do, do not make eye contact with infants when they’re on the verge of falling asleep— or they’ll decide to stay awake.”
  • “At this point, smelling another human’s butt is not only normal, it’s necessary.”
  • “I don’t need a gym membership anymore, I carry the car seat almost daily.”

  • “Breastfeeding moms don’t have to worry about running out of creamer for their coffee.”
  • “When you forget to remove your nursing cover or burp rag and go out into the public wearing it as a cape.”
  • “Having a baby changes your dinner conversation from general topics to poop.”

Relatable Quotes For Parents Of Twins

  • “There are two things in life that we are not ever prepared for— twins.”
  • “I may have accidentally switched their names at one time, it’s a good thing they look alike.”
  • “When I had twins, I was at the hospital getting a buy one get one free deal.”
  • “You know you’re a mom of twins when one of them is bathed twice by mistake.”

  • “With twins, it’s twice the giggles and twice the trouble.”
  • “Yay, I have twins… now nothing will get done around my house.”
  • “Sometimes I wonder which one of the identical twins is the most alike.”
  • “Twinsomnia is a sleep disorder that moms get when they have twins.”
  • “When other moms complain about how hard one baby is, I can’t help but imagine how easy it would be.”
  • “That moment when you find an unlabeled baby photo and try to figure out which twin it is.”
  • “Sam’s club is the go-to store if you have twins— you can get double the stuff.”
  • “The reason why twins have their own language is so they can secretly plot their mischief for the day.”

Funny Mom Quotes For Moms Of Preschoolers

  • “When you fake sleep to help your preschooler fall asleep, only to wake up from your nap 4 hours later.”
  • “If you see a mom sitting in her car in the parking lot. She’s okay, she just needed a small vacation.”
  • “Most mom horror stories start with ‘So, I stepped away for a few seconds…’”
  • “Having a preschooler means never going to the bathroom alone again.”
  • “The joys of motherhood are not truly experienced until all of the children are in bed.”
  • “If I go missing, all you have to do is follow my children. They can find me no matter where I hide.”
  • “That moment when you’re watching Peppa pig on the tv while munching on snacks, and your kid stopped watching the show half an hour ago.”
  • “You know you’re a mom when you feel compelled to catch vomit or spit-up with your hands.”
  • “Don’t worry, you’re not the only mom who threw a towel over wet sheets and went back to bed.”

  • “You know you have preschoolers when they ask you why you have so much hair on your chin like daddy.”
  • “All moms have moments in their lives where their courage is tested. Taking your children into a house with white carpets is one of them.”
  • “A part of being a mom is accepting that your children cannot hear you if you yell for their names, but they can magically hear you open a bag of snacks quietly while hiding in a closet somewhere.”

Hilarious Quotes About Parenting Teens

  • “Moms of teen boys deal with less drama, but it’s harder to keep them alive.”
  • “When you have teens, it’s a good idea to have a dog around, so someone in the house is happy to see you when you come home.”
  • “You know you’re raising teens when your kid starts taking 40-minute showers.”
  • “Raising teens can be like nailing jello to the wall.”
  • “To prepare for teens, find a brick wall, then practice talking to it.”
  • “Yes, moms are genuinely concerned when their teens leave home without their jackets.”
  • “Going into a teen’s room is like going to Ikea, you’ll leave with 6 cups, 3 plates, 2 bowls, and some cutlery.”
  • “Some days, parenting teens can feel like negotiating with a band of angry pirates.”

  • “Yelling at your kids is really just motivational speaking for selective listeners.” 
  • “For some reason, teenagers cannot figure out how to load a dishwasher properly, but they can drive a car.”
  • “Before I had teens, I had several theories about raising them. Now I have several teens and no theories.”
  • “Watching your children have teenagers of their own is one of the most satisfying feelings ever.”

Looking for other mamas to laugh through parenthood with? Check out our Rookie Moms Facebook Group!

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